A girl tried to eat my skirt today.

I'm going to do this more often.

I woke up at 9:45 this morning.
Jesse's phone called my house.
This is the third time.
Mom and I listened to the message.
You can hear his pocket.

I took a walk today.
Well, I took two walks.
The first consisted of a torn down house, a strange man (no, I don't have a cigarette, quarter or cell phone. Sorry) and light rain.
The second time I walked past Adam's old house, up a dirt road and found myself at the school. Well, all three of them.
The clouds and sky were beautiful.
The asbestos signs, less so.
I wish I had brought a notebook with me. Instead, I had to rely on texts.
Welcome to the 21st century.

Saw a pretty sunset. Thought about high school.
How removed from it I am, but am still connected to it thanks to brother and young friends.
I don't know if I miss it anymore.
But I can look back and smile.
That counts for a lot.

Ever notice the woods smell sweet?


I don't have a job. For reasons that are my own. For reasons I don't want to voice, even on El Jay.
I don't do much. I have the occasional social calls or spend time with family. But that's it.
This is a mediocre summer, in that regard.

However, a few weeks ago I saw someone every day for about ten days. That was something.
That doesn't even happen to me at college.


This lens needs to be cleaned.



I tried to chase the sun but wasn't fast enough. All I got were broken pieces. Fragments.
I tried to pick them up for you but they fell from my hands. All I have to show are burns.

Walking out of Trailer Trash's house:
Bobbi Jo Nietzel.
With a baby.

That shit made my life.

I always thought she was gay.

Six or so things to fewer than six two people

- You changed. I changed. We're not the same people any more. That's ok. You gave me wonderful years, wonderful memories, wonderful experiences. I can't have asked anything more.

- I used to say nothing mattered more than your happiness. You seem happy now, and that's a good thing.

- Getting rejected was hard. And despite the fact that I knew it would happen, it hurt. But I'll get over it, because I have before and I will again.

- My mood swings have been me trying to deal with seeing you two together, understanding who you two will be in the future, and dealing with being the third wheel again. I didn't want to voice it because I know a lot of it is in my head and I've been little miss angsty lately. I eventually get over it. I just have a tendency to broadcast my emotions for the world to see.

- I'm afraid of absolutes now. Of declaring such strong allegiance towards people. Relationships have changed that I did not foresee. But you two... you two are my world.

- I am a mess right now and it is all your fault. I wouldn't have it any other way. Have a safe trip. Come back to me eventually. Thank you for stepping off that train, for surprising me, for spending so much time with me, for not getting too fed up with me monopolizing your time. I have actually reached giddy recently. That does not happen often.

If anyone knows a guy, preferably early twenties, who has issues, a big dick and doesn't mind fucking a crazy girl, please send him my way.

I'm starting to get desperate.

Dear Everybody,

My love affair with dresses has increased tenfold.

Please give me more reasons and opportunities to wear them.

((Also, take pictures.))

Love,
Olivia ((Who is currently wearing a dress))

Yesterday was interesting.
I will ignore the drama and focus on last night.

Szkotak and I spoke briefly during the day. He unloaded a lot of shit about Brooke. The last time I talked to him was when I was going to Middletown and leaving the conversation. That was around 4.

I received a text at 11:44 pm. "What If i told you i was in monticello?"

...WHAT

Long story short: He decided he needed to take a drive. That drive turned into "let's drive to Monticello." We met for coffee. It was late, there was no way he has driving back at 1 in the morning. He spent the night. We stayed up until 4. ((Poor kid, past his bedtime.)) We talked about high school, he talked at length about math and computers. We didn't get much sleep, as you can see by the time of this post. Woke up around 9:30? Half-slept until 10. He left.
I hope he doesn't crash and die.

It's kind of funny: he's twitchy, and physical contact meant that I turn shaky. Like, "I'm dead asleep, phone rings and startles me so that I'm shaky for a good hour or two" shaky. A bit unpleasant, but whatever.

The best thing about all this?
That when we're both upstate, we hardly see each other. In the 1+ year I've known him,  I've seen him twice, and only once did we actually spend time together ((last night excluded)).


I live one hell of a life.